The game was meaningless to Lou City’s playoff position, but fans never miss an opportunity to cheer on the lads. Attendance was counted at over 9000 including Darth Vader, 2 hot dogs, 7 dinosaurs, and a gaggle of 10-year-old boys, many of whom started the game shirtless. The boys, not the dinosaurs. The dinosaurs were fully clothed. Everyone was here for a good time and a victory, and as always, the Boys in Purple delivered.

The refs decided their shortcoming this week would be their unwillingness to call fouls, letting the game dissolve into low-key nonsense until they were forced to dig out their yellow cards. But these teams were all class, so we didn’t get to see any rugby but were forced to watch handballs go uncalled. To seem relevant, the refs did use their whistles every time someone tried to take a throw in more than an inch left or right from where the ball went out to touch, because that has a huge impact on the game. But a handball when Lou City is in scoring position? Inconsequential. Hopefully like going shirtless when you weigh 40 pounds and it’s 55 degrees outside.

*Let’s warm up with Phil by checking out the pre-game activities.*

The Hayden Stamps Dance Gallery featuring McCabe hiking up his shorts to maybe join him and Dayes pretending like he doesn’t know him.

The Forever 21 Fashion Show Gallery featuring leggings, puffy coats, and those sleeves that wrap around your thumb for some reason.

Kids-having-fun-before-the-Match Gallery

And now the Actual Warm-up Gallery with football players warming up

Finally, some action! I really thought we were going to have a quick goal the way Goodrum came out hot. Davila and Totsch spent a few seconds setting up a play and Phil got inpatient. I thought he was going to take the ball from Taylor if he’d held onto it any longer.

*Here we have blurry Ray Serrano and this guy who looks bored out of his tiny mind. Sorry to interrupt your nap, 94. Do you want to play some football? Or build a snowman? Serrano coming through.*

*Get ready for a lot of Kyle Adams. He was everywhere. I really thought he was going to get his first goal of the season but Toothpicks-for-Legs (the Hartford Keeper) made himself a menace.*

The No-Consequences Gallery featuring a beautiful run down the pitch by Goodrum that ends in a flat-out tackle with zero consequences. Taylor Davila looks to the referee. Still not calling fouls? Not even on a DOGSO? Making a mental note.

Rainbow Gallery that resulted when the rain left a couple little drops on my lens. I could hardly complain about the rain when I captured a series of shots with Kyle Adams under the rainbow. Who needs a pot of gold when Lou City is an option?

*Adams used some gold dust or pixie dust or just some skills to take the ball to the net and I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS DID NOT GO IN.*

*This one, on the other hand…*
*Damian Las was just so excited to see the ball that he went Full Keeper Mode but really didn’t even have to open his eyes to nab this one.*

Throw-in Gallery - Though we weren’t finding the goal much, we were having some fun on the sidelines. Check out the latest in the series “Josh Jones throws the ball in” and maybe the start of a new series “Throwing the ball in makes you look funny.”

Before we get to the first and only goal of the match, let’s take a minute to appreciate a few of the pictures that I took in anticipation of goals that didn’t happen. They were the appetizers before the main course, like when you take the family for Hibachi and you sit around the table and the chef throws you a shrimp to catch in your mouth while your food cooks. Get ready for a Jansen Wilson onion volcano.

*Here we have Amadou Dia being double-teamed by Frick and Frack while the center ref keeps a close eye on something else. Is there a squirrel on the field? Okay then, maybe watch the action.*

And now we’re relying on this dude to award possession based on an interaction that he definitely didn’t see but is pretending like he did. Good thing everyone stayed calm and nobody stayed on the ground and cried like a five-year-old.

*This time, Adams’ goal attempt knocked the air out of the keeper and sent him to the ground in the fetal position. His teammate advises him to just stay down.*

Okay, if you’ve had enough rice, it’s time for the main course. McFadden gets the ball to Goodrum who takes a shot on goal and then gets his own rebound. This time, the ball goes in. He’s celebrating while the ball crosses the line into the net.

Only one celebration and it’s the opposite corner of where I’m sitting. I text my bonus daughter to tell her that her favorite player has scored and she really should’ve skipped that outdoor wedding because she could be sitting in the cold at Lynn Family stadium and she would’ve seen a goal and purple smoke. I’d like to see a wedding offer that!

*Perpetually Bored is back, chasing Davila this time. I bet this dude is a candy corn guy.*

*Well, third time is charming if not the charm. The ball drops on top of the net in an act of solidarity with Adams.*

*Just Serrano making this kid’s night even if he didn’t make the goal. He’s a nice guy like that.*

*We photographers were pretty happy too. Mostly because we didn’t get run over.*

*Hartford player acting like he’s never seen a soccer ball before. Dia is amazed that the ball is there for the taking while Hartford is doing a Google image search.*

*A minute to appreciate the toothpick-ness of the legs while keeper does an elbow sneeze.*

*Wilson tries not the laugh while Mr. Anderson gets a yellow card.*

A Lou City free kick was heading into the net but is blocked by an obvious handball that everyone including people in the bathroom saw except for…the center ref. Lou City cannot believe it. I think they finally wore down the poor guy and he gave them some stickers or something. They would’ve liked to have the two-score lead.