The brilliant* Lexington fans behind us gave Aiden McFadden a hard time about his mask not realizing how insanely iconic it actually was. Early, failed ideas that were thrown at him included “do you love the opera, McFadden?” which was a clever reference to Phantom of the Opera (but not an insult). Then they moved onto to Batman taunts before realizing their fallacy. Who you gonna offend exactly with that comparison? Pictured here is McBatman seen celebrating his goal and solidifying his new nickname.
*All kidding aside, these are a great group of fans and we love visiting this stadium. Especially because we always win.

Alright folks here we go! It’s a new season for Lou City so please listen carefully because our menu options have changed. Press 1 for pure sarcasm. Press 2 for mansplaining performed by a woman. Press 3 for roasting of the opposing team’s players. Press 0 to speak to an operator.

Heading into Friday night’s match, Lou City fans were pretty wound up. Would the players strike and the match be cancelled? Would the traffic into Lexington make fans miss the first ten minutes again? Would an all-out brawl go down between Phil Goodrum and the entire Lou City backline? All of this anxiety really should burn more calories because we carried these burdens all the weeklong.

To add to the trauma, the USL Championship league was throwing punches by putting Lexington SC at #1 and Lou City at #2 in their preseason rankings, unknowingly forecasting the final score of the League’s opening match instead. Nice try, USL social media team.

An estimated 700 Lou City fans made it into Lexington to form a sea of purple for the match that would periodically wash over the players with their organized chants and taunts. It was the purest form of art that I’ve seen this year, and I was thrilled to witness it through the lens of my camera. In fact, let me update my menu real quick: Press 4 for some purple art.

Before we get to the main course, let’s enjoy some warm-up appetizers that includes the sampler platter and a new menu item, the McFadden mask debut before it had a name.

Before the match started, McBatman did a meet & greet with the bench who were clearly in awe of the superhero. Lambert gave me a look of “I’m glad there’s a witness for this” because the moment was surreal with just a touch of danger mixed in.

Captain Kyle Adams checking on the players the way a 3rd grader teacher does when she takes the kids to lunch. Looks like Morris got caught stealing someone’s snack pack. Troutman is the well-behaved line leader/ teacher’s pet and Totsch probably sweeps up after they eat.

Pre-match huddle, Akale asks for suggestions on goal celebrations and Adams advises the old reliable tongue-sticking-out move and demonstrates it for the team. Or possibly Adams saw me with my camera again and wanted to send a message.

*Without the Lou City board, the team picture is a bit lopsided. It goes well with my particular style of picture taking.*

Match starts with a moment of pause as players showed solidarity with players across the league. Negotiations continue between the Players Association and Club owners for better conditions, benefits, and pay. The stadium DJ didn’t read the room and continued with the music, so the serious moment was narrated by Pit Bull or NSYNC or possibly an 80s Madonna while the players stayed solemn.

Match play starts with Ordoñez bringing the evil to the pitch. With the fuss over losing Phil Goodrum, I forgot about Ordoñez’s exit. For this match and probably in life, it appears that he has embraced his dark side.

*Speaking of Judas, here’s Phil reuniting with Dayes for some early match drama that earns Phil a stern talking to from the official.*

*The ref flashed a gang sign and Phil calmed down and disappeared into the background for the rest of the match.*

*Jansen Wilson takes the first corner kick of the game and invites the Lexington fans to simmer down now.*

*Look! Up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s a mixed metaphor and Batman!*
(Does Batman fly? I mean he has the cape and the cool toys and probably a Bat-helicopter or Bat jet-pack (a Bat-pack?) but can he naturally fly? We will explore these and more hypotheses as this article unfolds.)

Here we have Jansen Wilson guarding the ball like a mama goose guarding her eggs. I would not mess with a goose, let alone a mama goose, because those creatures are fierce. We have a mob of geese that roam the neighborhood (speaking of gang signs) and the children are afraid to ride their bikes after 5pm.

*Huerman sets up the epitome of a beautiful kick as he faces off against this dude, who is known to order pineapple on his pizza.*

I really thought that Adams had the first goal of the match with this amazing header (or maybe Dayes had the header and Adams got the rebound?) but the ball was stubborn and refused to enter this net for the entirety of the match.

My section of the sideline (wherever I set up shop) saw a lot of action last night and I almost had a player land in my lap (maybe next time!). This particular play sent a ball my way while Morris appeared to mourn the loss of a close friend.

*Well, I held off as long as I could. It’s time to start this season’s edition of The Abs Club. Here’s Taylor Davila coming in hot.*

*Loved watching the backline player skillz. (I haven’t talked to a teenager in a while but I assume we are still spelling things with a z when we want to sound cool? Cool beanz.)*

*Now we’re getting to see some dance skills. I will drop the z this time because I have better material. With Brandon joining the line-up more officially now, I have material for Dayes.*

*Word quickly spread about the restart of The Abs Club (now featuring capitalization) so our next member is Kyle Adams. Reigning champ Taylor Davila has been unseated, folks.*

*As the first half of the match is coming to a close, Lexington is realizing that Lou City came to play. That preseason ranking was absolutely nonsense and they should be fearful of the Dayes to come.*

Remember shopping with your mom in the fancy stores like Service Merchandise and TJ Maxx and she would say “don’t touch anything”? Yeah, so does Showunmi. Look at his grace. Are his pinkies up? He was seriously so careful not to foul (not even a basketball-level foul where the ref blows the whistle when your finger grazes the opponent’s jersey). I am so ready for Tola to flatten a player. I’m picturing a Detroit City FC player. Any of them.

The set piece that everyone was waiting for - the Kill Phil (metaphorically of course). I think what really upset the players wasn’t that Phil left Lou City, but that he stole the diaper look made popular by Cam Lancaster last season.

*“Teacher! Teacher! Adams if offside again.” - Whiny Lexington dude #3.*

In a moment of solidarity with referees across the USL and NWSL leagues, our ref took a few moments to polish his shoes or sign up for HBO Max or something because Adams gave up trying to get the call.

*It looks like Zach Duncan is upset because he missed the goal but his goal was to actually get Phil Goodrum on the ground so goal accomplished.*

*While the timekeeper is watching a You Tube video on how to operate a time clock, the lads meet up for a quick discussion on peanut butter.*

*The shift changes have started and Donovan enters the match having downed five Red Bulls and an Alani. The Red Slush one.*

*Pineapple Pizza and Guy Trying to Raise His Credit Score are wondering WTH happened as Akale slides into a goal. We scored, that’s what TH happened. Pay attention.*

*Akale proceeded to put on a clinic on taunting and Dayes was here for it.*

The Taunting Gallery is sponsored by Coors Light, because if you are drinking a Coors Light you are in a need of a good taunting.

*“Oh no you don’t!” Ordoñez chases Akale like Calvin’s mom chasing Calvin around the house for bathtime while Hobbes in taking a bath in the washing machine.*

*Duncan is chilling on the bench watching Manny Perez do his thing. “Not how I would dribble the ball but okay…”*

*Jake reacts to Lexington’s halitosis, “Can we get this man a breath mint, please?”*

*Slight disagreement between Davila and the ref over who has possession or possibly the legality of the attack on Iran, really no way to know for sure.*

I really hope McFadden’s surgeon didn’t see the match last night. “Take it easy a few days, Aiden, okay man?” “You got it, Dr. McMedicine. No plans this weekend. Probably read a good book.”

*Okay The Abs Club is being relegated to make room for Thigh Society. Bryan Ownby tried to get this going last year but it never really took off. This season looks promising.*

*If Focus were a person, it would look like Kevon Lambert.*

*“Alfred, can you fetch me my Bat-pants please? No suit today. Just the mask and the pants and I’ll be on my way.”*

*Round of applause for this young man who could’ve played the full 90 but wanted to let others have some fun too.*

*“Hit me baby one more time…” -Britney Spears and this net.*

*I was going to say “No words, I just love this picture” but those count as words so here we are.*

*Kyle, how do you think Lexington players are feeling today? And Josh, can I get a close up of that cast? Well done, guys.*

On Tonight’s episode of “Dancing with the Stars” we have Chris Donovan, who will demonstrate how to dance on a soccer pitch while serving up a beautiful assist to help Lou City take the lead over Lexington. McBatman gets the goal but Donovan made it happen. If only he’d worn the cool nose brace, we might be giving him a little more credit.

*The prelude to the winning goal. The keeper is on his way to block the bounce back from Donovan’s shot. Will he get there in time? Is someone coming up on the left?*

*McFadden seems to pause to admire his work. He certainly should. Our last glimpse of McFadden for the evening.*

With the goal, the nickname is solidified. McBatman rises from the ashes like a Dark Knight and starts looking for the Dawn of Justice. (Did I miss any of the movie titles? Which one was Michael Keaton in? I think he’s my favorite because I did love Christian Bale but Ra’s a Ghul gave me nightmares.)

I love when the players know where the cameras are and come celebrate with us. I don’t love that I always have my zoom lens on and that I only have one camera (first world problem) so my shots sometimes consist of just fingers but anyway enjoy my McBatman Goal Celebration Gallery.

The handball heard ‘round the world (except by Lexington fans) took for-EVER to call and Kyle Adams was quiet and professional and then he put his hands on his hips and the ref finally explained to the fans that players can’t use their hands in soccer so the goal doesn’t count but the fans booed anyways.

*While the smoke cleared - literally and figuratively - Jones and Goodrum disagree over which way is east.*

Nothing gives me the warm and fuzzies like Jones and Lambert together on the pitch. This is 28% of the reason why the second half of the match was so incredibly awesome. Don’t ask me about the math. There was some calculus involved.

Another shout-out to Donovan who had the presence of mind to run the ball into the corner in the 90th-ish minute. Like all soccer pros know, this is the way to minimize the likelihood of a turnover in favor of a donut which is the optimal dessert anyway.

A recent addition to my top five players’ list is Zach Duncan. Not only is he a stellar player, but he is such a gentleman. He waved graciously to the fans as soon as he hit the field for warm-ups. He shook hands with the refs after the match. He went to say hello to Goodrum and I know he didn’t mean it this way but his affectionate pat on the head + Phil’s face resulted in a “Good boy, here’s a treat” vibe that had me giggling but seriously so much respect for Mr. Duncan.

Fan Gallery! I hope I got one of each of 700 of you. (Hi Stephanie!) Can you find my beautiful daughter and her beautiful friend who definitely did NOT buy Lexington SC hoodies after the match? They said they were “cold” and the sweatshirts were “cool” but I think this has something to do with an unresolved crush on Phil Goodrum.