The One with the Split Squad
Zach Duncan is back, baby!
It was a gorgeous day for some pre-season soccer! Lou City took on the Knoxville somebody and invited the STH (season ticket holders) who could be off work by 3pm on a Friday to cheer on the lads. With the quiet stadium, you could hear the players talking to each other, and it was enlightening. They traded recipes and favorite Bible verses and oh my gosh am I lying because I have never heard so much profanity in my entire life. These teams were fired up and they brought that intensity to the pitch. Michael joked that we should’ve put out a swear jar and then we could’ve used the proceeds to hire Bad Bunny for a halftime show at the home opener.
Anywho, enjoy some pictures and commentary and remember I might be a little rusty so if I say “field” instead of “pitch” or “game" instead of “match,” or in the very likely event that I call a player by the wrong name, just roll your eyes and pass me a note next time you see me on the field.
Captain Kyle Adams rallies the troops before the match and reminds the youngsters to recycle their juice boxes when they’re finished with them.
Let’s get this out of the way now - I am legally obligated to disclose anytime I use AI to generate an image and this is one of the photos that definitely looks like it was created by AI because Morris’s leg is out there and Wilson is doing the twist but absolutely no AI here, friends. I can ruin a good picture all by myself, thank you very much.
New player alert! Pretty sure this extreme close-up is of Quenzi Huerman (Pronounced “where man” or “werewolf”) who had a fantastic game. He was also nice enough to do a side-by-side shin guard comparison for us so that we could appreciate the compactness of his minis.
Pretty sure this guy is not new and we all recognize Sean Totsch even if he’s hiding behind the ball.
And here’s Kyle Adams, introducing himself to this Knoxville player and asking him if he needs a juice box or a hug or a punch in the face.
Another new player! Here is Tola Showunmi, fending off the handsy 5’ 2” Knoxville captain.
Welcome back, Zach! It’s okay if you need to start out slow and work up to…..nevermind, withdrawn. Evidently this is the face you make when you get an amazing shot through a web of opponents but have a feeling that it just might find the net. And it does. That’s a beautiful face.
And THIS is the face you make when Lou City gets one by you and Jansen Wilson dances behind you like no one is watching except that everybody is watching.
Time for our first Celebration Gallery!
Jake Morris, have you seen the new Zootopia movie? Good stuff? Recommend? Cool, thanks man.
I didn’t believe that this was really Taylor Davila until he took that first corner kick. New number, new haircut, it’s like he doesn’t want us to recognize him as the 2025 USL Championship Player of the Year. But we see you, Davila.
Faundez shows the young players around the pitch and explains that the 1900s weren’t really that long ago.
The other split of the split squad. Resting up for the UofL game.
They say, “dance like no one’s watching,” but I say, “play like no one realized you were offside” and check out the joy on Jake’s face! Of course, everyone realized that he was offside so my saying doesn’t really apply here.
Knoxville Keeper has that look on his face! Could it be a preseason goal for our new player Tola Showunmi? Sadly no, but it was a good practice run.
Get in the NET, ball! It’s your HOME, BALL! Don’t you want to go HOME? Okay if you managed to get that really old, probably wrong line from Happy Gilmore then you are my people. And if anyone needs to be compared to Happy Gilmore and his monster golf swing then it’s Jake Morris because I think he hit the big screen twice tonight and dented a bench in the Estopinal End.
Knoxville #2 really wanted to get his grubby little hands on the new Lou City jersey. Could someone please tell the man that the gift shop is open before and after each match?
You know those scenes in the best action films where the hero walks away from a car blowing up? Those vibes.
White men CAN jump!
Adams commanded the pitch throughout the match, including this moment where he appears to use the force to keep Knoxville away. (Had to get at least one Star Wars reference in before I wrap this preseason recap.)
Brandon Dayes asked Adams if he could be considered for the Abs club now that he’s officially signed with the team. Adams said he’ll think about it, which all parents know means no. Maybe next year, Brandon.
The second Lou City goal was an absolute blur, even Kyle is asking who got that one in.
Celebration Gallery 2 - Turns out that goal was courtesy of Manny Perez. He’s slick like that.
The last few minutes of the match featured some of the young players and they put on a show!
So-many-great-shots-that-I-wanted-to-share Gallery
