The One with the Hat Trick and the Backflip
I mean, why not take a second goal if they’re just giving them away? My grandmother coined that phrase with my grandpa when he asked why she came home from the grocery with ten bottles of ranch dressing. “They were just giving them away!” which, when translated, means they were on sale (buy five, get five free), plus she had a coupon! Last night, Indy had goals up for grabs, no coupons needed.
Lou City fans were treated to double wins last night, in that Sting (the bee mascot) lifted the Prinx US Cup before the Indy match (with a fantastic montage of beautiful play from the Championship in Hartford last week running on the big screen), and then Lou City proceeded to score four goals on our home turf while the Indy 11 could only scratch the dandruff on their heads. It was so much fun that fans could hardly stand it. (10,000+ fans, if you buy into the way teams count and report attendance.) A fantastic reward for enduring the cold night. The post-match interviews featured visible questions, as in you could see your breath if you asked a question. Worth it.
Although we talked to the obvious Rock Stars (Kevon Lambert, Ray Serrano, Coach Simon Bird), Ray called Chris Donovan a true baller. If his credited four assists on the night stands, the Baller set a USL record with his performance. If you’re wondering why Lou City didn’t park the proverbial bus after the 3-0 lead, credit it to Coach Bird’s encouragement. He’s told the lads to be more “ruthless” in their attack, and that’s my word of the week. (Not you, Ruth. It’s the other Ruths he’s talking about.)
Michael likes to see The Arsenal men’s style of play (anything for a clean sheet (ed. I find it laudable if nerve-wracking to watch)), but personally if you have to give up a goal or two to rack up four goals, that works brilliantly for me because I love the goals. Is it the cartwheel turned backflip from Lambert, the shoulder shrug from Serrano, or the shooting arrow from Taylor Davila that we haven’t seen in way too long? Yes. Frankly, I think they should get to cut out the net if they win a playoff match like they do in NCAA men’s basketball. Live it up! Destroy some property. We can replace the nets. I’m sure they’re giving them away somewhere.
Before we dive in, let’s do some warm-ups, and play I Spy. With my little eye, I spy two injured keepers dressed like they could play (yay!) and a new man bun/ pony combo.
The team walk out: everybody looking sharp in the pink jerseys and Coach in a suit jacket.
Kevon Lambert is ready to get down to business. He’s been working on a little something special for Indy. Friendly team greeting. Keep moving. Nothing to see here.
You know when you would fight with your little sister, and even though it was 100% her fault, your mom made you apologize to her? So does Aiden McFadden.
Speaking of good advice from mom, remember when she told you not to jump on the bed, but really that was the most fun thing ever? You just know that Ray Serrano was a bed jumper.
I’m not intentionally shouting out to moms but since we’re on the subject anyway, I did notice that some very wise moms nominated a handful of dads (or maybe one dad?) to take approximately 95 elementary age boys to the match last night. They procured a fantastic suite and then told the boys that the time had finally arrived for them to use their outdoor voices. The older, wiser dads went safely back inside to enjoy their adult beverages. The spokesman (spokesboy?) proceeded to yell at the field the way that I yell at my Door Dasher when he forgets my extra ranch from Joella’s Hot Chicken.
Meanwhile on the pitch, Amadou Dia is helping the Landscaping crew with some last-minute Fall grass seed distribution in the face of Indy 11.
Speaking of faces (and continuing my impressive run of segues), time for some Quenzi face! He always looks surprised at whatever is happening. “How did I get on this soccer pitch?” “Is that a soccer ball?” “Is the net this way?”
Okay serious question. Is it illegal to hold hands with another player during the match? What if you’re playing a mini-game of London Bridge?
London Bridge isn’t falling down, but Lou City is about to rain down some goals. Here’s Serrano’s first to get the ball rolling (literally and figuratively).
Sometimes I feel the need to name my pictures (like great works of art). This one I call “Prelude to a Goal Celebration” and note how artistically Serrano is out of focus because the subject of this is piece is Captain of the Losers, trying to pretend like he’s just taking a stroll on a Sunday afternoon and doesn’t care that he’s down 1-0 within the first ten minutes of the match.
Turns out that “Prelude to a Goal Celebration” was so popular, the artist decided to make it a series, with this piece later added with a subtitle “Keeper, He Mad.”
And now, for the pièce de résistance, the Celebration Gallery. (This would also prove to be a popular piece, so three more Celebration Galleries are featured in this show.)
Shout out to the always professional Taylor Davila for hearing my appeal for some content. He debuted a new haircut (chef’s kiss) and some pizazzy new moves to bring down the ball and I am here for it! Er, was there for it! Camera in hand! I see that little brother is rubbing off.
As a photographer, I cannot resist the purple smoke background for some amazing pictures. As a breather of oxygen, I would rather they release odorless little paper lanterns (like they do in Tangled for the princess’s birthday). Regardless, you have to love a Lou City goal and by association, the smell of sulfur.
Introducing himself to the Keeper, here comes Kevon Lambert. It’s just manners to make sure the guy you’re going to deeply embarrass at least knows your name.
All the effort, none of the glory, may I present, the Assistant to the Man of the Match, Mr. Christopher “Dwight” Donovan.
As the owner of the 1-0 score, Ray Serrano would like to cordially invite everyone to calm down and pretend like they’re watching a viral video and “wait for it.”
Schewe doing Schewe things, and Elizabeth doing Elizabeth things and missing his beautiful save by 0.0005 seconds.
Have to give a shout-out to the defensive line (which saw a few swap outs during the match) who protected the net like the US is protecting oil-carrying ships through the Strait of Hormuz. Oops, just I get political? *checks notes* Nope, I am intentionally not political in any way.
Ready to see another goal? Me too. Can you spot a set piece a mile away? Me too. Okay maybe this wasn’t a set piece, but this was choreographed as much if not more than a Superbowl halftime show only with much better results. Lambert was on a mission and mission accomplished. Not only did we get to see a beautiful 3.5 seconds of football, but we got the cartwheel backflip celebration that we all know and love. My heart (and camera media card) is full.
And….the celebration.
2-0 Lou City. Quenzi Huerman has had a couple good shots at the goal and would like a proper go. Serrano is already 33.3334% towards a hat trick and doesn’t see poor Quenzi asking for a turn.
Ray not only has a proper attempt, he has the hammer for another nail in the Indy coffin.
And a proper sense of humour.
Someone is having way too much fun, like when your cat starts to unroll the toilet paper from the roll before anyone finds him. Or the ranch dressing is on sale for buy 5 get 5 free.
I might be mixing a 90s brand slogan with our team mantra, but playoff teams facing Lou City, fear this.
Opposite side of the spectrum: If you’re up by 3, and you’ve clinched a playoff spot, fear nothing. Take a nice, slow walk if you’re so inclined.
Need to book a photo shoot? Now is your time.
Need to work on your form? Yes please, Aiden McFadden. Tonight is your night.
Gather around, folks, for Mr. Know It All. Gaze into his crystal ball.
Want to know where Coach got his smart coat? He’s been holding out on the team but finally summons Manny Perez for the big reveal.
Also a fan of fashion but more so a fan of goals, Babacar Niang heard they are giving them away and makes a run at goal.
Energizer Donny has another decent attempt at a goal, which luckily takes a little deflection putting the ball in front of Ray Serrano.
Hi Ray, it’s been literally a minute but do you know what do to with this beautiful ball? Indy 11, do you know how to try to block and then fall on the ground in exhausted defeat? Alright, on the count of three.
I’ve totally lost count. How many goals is this for you, Ray?
You would think we would be tired of celebration galleries but not at all. Let’s see what we’ve got as Lou City moves to 4-1. Did Indy score somewhere? It’s hard to confirm that this happened but can’t argue with the scoreboard. 4-1, Lou City,
Did I mention something about not parking the bus, but rather putting the bus in 4th gear and revving up the engine? (Did I mention that I know nothing about engines?) Anyway, look at these amazing plays by our players near Indy 11’s goal.
We also defended our goal in the most elegant manner possible.
One more fantastic save (ok, it’s not called a save because it wasn’t made by the Keeper but what do you call it? (ed. uh…a clearance or a block)) and Adams is due a round of applause. Score is safe at 4-1.
Final score, Lou City 4- Foul-mouth Indy Eleven 1. See what happens when you let your hair down (Aiden) and talk with media and/or fans after the ninety minutes. Ray, can you set the stage for the next match (on the road at Jacksonville) and our home match against Detroit City? Thank u, next.
