The One with Temu Messi
Lou City players celebrate a goal in the first half. Could’ve been McFadden’s, Serrano’s, or Donovan’s, I sorta lost track.
It was the home opener to end all home openers because we had it all - gorgeous weather, four goals, and a sweet three points. Fans were so happy to be back that tailgating started at *checks notes* 9am because why not? We are the bourbon capital of the world and that comes with a lot of responsibility. One that Lou City fans are happy to assume because with great responsibility comes great power. Or maybe that’s reversed.
Regardless, the partying started early and probably continued into the wee hours after the 4-1 victory over Miami. It was great fun because almost everyone had a chance to score. There was a beautiful little tap in shot that Kyle Adams took that just wasn’t meant to be. There was an impressive shot from Huerman that the Miami Keeper managed to save. At one point Troutman raised his hand and asked if he could have a go, but Coach Danny made him stay by the goal.
Enjoy the moments that I captured including a fully accurate description of the context.
Players take the pitch and Taylor Davila is pleased to see that Troutman is showcasing his air guitar skills. Even Troutman was thinking it was a little cringy, but he lost a bet.
Also in the starting line-up is Batman McFadden, who is pouting because Coach refused to let him wear his cape.
Captain Kyle Adams decided to try something new during the pre-match huddle and had the players get into pairs and share their favorite character from Toy Story. Jake is excited to tell Manny that he always a big fan of Slinky Dog.
Players and fans were ready for the season to start but the team’s sign doesn’t get back from it’s vacation in Cancun until next week. Players still did a good job lining up, including the 12th player, Gatorade Towel, who usually sits on the pitch waiting for Josh Jones to need him before a throw in. The players decided it was time for GT to join the team picture but forget to tell Taylor Davila. He was a good sport about it, but if you can read his mind like I can, he was wondering what was with the towel. It’s not like he was in Toy Story.
Once the fireworks were cleared from the pitch, the Lou City Operations team set up the wind machine for Kyle Adams. Turns out he and Beyonce use the same company.
Okay, truth time. During Aiden’s goal and celebration, I was trying to get a better spot on the pitch (there were at least 312 photographers at the match yesterday!) and I completely missed all the fun. Pretty sure Kyle was ratting me out to Coach for temporarily blocking one of the advertising boards.
I did get a picture of the celebratory smoke. And the banner in support of our players.
The wind machine rental came with a free microphone/ earpiece like NYNC used so Kyle wore that to communicate with the team for the first half. Kevon asked who was going to be the next to score and Kyle said “It’s gonna be me.”
We’re getting closer to the team rocking the popped collar look, I can feel it. Serrano tried to get things started.
“Next round’s on me, guys” Serrano offers after he realizes he polished off all of the water bottles before the match even started.
Ray asks McBatman if his mask is available on Amazon and Aiden explains he actually got a dozen of them from Temu for half the price.
Time for a corner kick! Miami was nice enough to provide escorts and bodyguards for each Lou City player anytime they were expected to be near the goal. Here, Miami’s 4 is introducing himself to his assignee by wrapping his arms around Lambert.
Full demo of the bear-hug/ body-guard technique that worked super well as a defensive technique, keeping Lou City to a mere four goals for the match.
This time, however, the defense kept Donovan from scoring. Don’t feel bad for him, however, he still has that awesome jawline. And he’ll get a second chance at the goal.
I really did end up with a good spot on the sideline because at one point Adams tried to pass the ball to me. Or it could have been a rogue ball but either way I took a hit and managed to save my camera and lens and bank account. Whew.
Latest entry to Thigh Society is Ray Serrano. Thank you, sir. We’ll process your application and get back to you in 7-10 business days.
Aaaaannnd the assault defense is back. Temu Messi (Milessi) is the worst offender and cannot keep his hands off Adams. Kyle appeals to the least blind of the referees to no avail.
The Referee decides to give both players a talking to. Kyle looks pleased with the outcome of the discussion. I’m sure this will be the last we’ll hear of this.
Back to work! Kyle assumes his spot in front of the goal. He’s not at all mad about how the referee is handling the Miami players’ handsiness.
See? Everyone is on their best behavior after the talking to.
Temu Messi is try to be cool by showing a teammate the universal sign for “I’m watching you” because he’s clearly illiterate. The ref comes over to see what the problem is and 21 complains about Adams again.
Adams puts on his best “Who me?” face and it should have worked. But the ref decided he hasn’t had enough attention and tells Kyle to take a breather.
Knowing he’s in the right, Kyle stomps to the goal like a toddler being sent to his room for not sharing his toys.
And normal play resumes.
Serrano gets the ball and - are those gold cleats? - Miami is entirely too happy.
We just received an addendum to Serrano’s application and it was a beautiful goal. Congratulations Mr. Serrano, you application has been accepted! Welcome to Thigh Society. We meet monthly. Membership includes a free water bottle.
Serrano Goal Celebration Gallery (Twice as long as the usual Gallery since I missed McFadden’s Goal & Celebration)
We have a new contender for Heel of the Match. I heard he only calls his mom on the main holidays. He’s decided to pick on Wilson. I was going to go after him but I couldn’t find anyone to hold my camera.
No worries, Chris Donovan swoops in with a goal to remind Miami who’s in charge of this match.
Donovan’s Goal Celebration Gallery
Second half! Score is 3-1 Lou City, so Miami is backing off and oh my gosh they are not! Look at this flagrant molestation of Adams! Does Temu Messi know he’s going to have to fight Sav? I will back her up. This is nonsense.
Another-appeal-to-the-referee-to-do-some-refereeing Gallery
Wilson is getting ready to join the Scoring Club.
Miami’s defender throws an actual tantrum after Wilson’s goal. I was pretty embarrassed for him.
Wilson’s Goal Celebration Gallery
Batman had been quiet for a while so when he made another run at the goal the Miami players were in absolute awe.
Some subs, some tackles, but Huerman is letting everyone know he is OK.
McBatman is not okay. “Alfred, fetch me my Bat-crutches,” and he exits the match.
Note: Spoiler below.
Batman unmasked! Turns out Aiden McBatman is actually Aiden McFadden. Still pretty cool.
Captain Adams also exited the game early. Taylor Davila then Sean Totsch wore the armband, but Dayes ran the match.
Fan pictures and More Match Pictures
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