*Kyle Adams celebrates (or maybe protests?) his first goal for Lou City.*

I think we can all agree that Saturday’s match against Rhode Island was one of the best that we’ve experienced at Lynn Family Stadium. If you’re a fan of Saturday Night Live (SNL) and have seen Stefon (played by Bill Hader), then read this in your best Stefon voice: “Louisville’s hottest men’s soccer club is Lou City FC. Their match against Rhode Island had it all: amazing athletes on both teams, six total goals scored, MTV’s Dan Cortese, and that thing where you have a fight that lands one player in the back of the net and a coach kicked out of the stadium.”

One of my sweet little elementary age Sunday School students was so excited this morning to tell me about being at the game. She and her family had front row seats to the Red Card Drama (behind the net at the Waterfront end), and while her mama tried to shield her innocent little eyes from the violence, she was beyond excited to see some action. Same, Carolina. Same.

I took about 50 pictures of the 45 second exchange between the RIFC hooligans and blameless Brandon Dayes and Kyle Adams. I absolutely love the way the Lou City players stand up for each other. For example, if your DNA comes in contact with our Keeper’s DNA, you are going to pay a hefty price. And BTW unlike the head referee (who kept calling offside based on ending position not starting position of the recipient relative to when the ball was passed), our players know the rules, including how to get the red card out of the referee’s pocket and into your face.

To fully appreciate the stand-off, let’s walk through the events of the match as told in pictures and factual, unbiased commentary.

Warm-ups, the walk-out, the player line-up, the profanity-laced huddle, and the group picture without Signy McSignboard were business as usual.

Captain Kyle Adams takes the pitch and loosens up before the match. Prompted by the new banner for the Davila Bros, Kyle spends his moment of meditation deciding if he wants to channel Mario or Luigi for his match energy. In the end, he decided it was a good day to be Donkey Kong.

Fans were supportive of the moment of solidarity by the players that kicked off both halves of the match. “We support the players!” could be heard through-out the stadium and hopefully on the broadcast and around the country.

Unfortunately the main referee left his rule book at home, so this became a “tell me you’re offside without telling me you’re offside because you aren’t really offside, the referee is just clueless” moment for Jake Morris. Twice in the matter of minutes.

*You know what would be a good name for a band?*

This RI player usually does the throw-ins, but for Lou City he was the designee for throwdowns. But only for Chris Donovan. Donovan took more abuse during this match than I take from my husband on Trivia night. (I may not be good at trivia, but at least he doesn’t throw me to the ground. At least not every week.)

This Keeper was pretty cool at least by Opponent Keeper standards. And Coach Bird hung out with him post-match so he’s obviously good people. I am also betting that he’s a dad, because this look after Lou City hit one a bit wide was the epitome of Dad Disappointment. Like Lou City wasn’t challenging him enough. Okay brah, message received. Get ready for some goals.

First to bring the heat, our new number 9, Mr. Donovan. Fresh off his toss to the ground, he is ready to sneak in a goal. Or maybe help Morris bang one in. RI players know he’s serious when he pops up the collar on his jersey.

First order of business, let Disappointed Keeper take a close look at the pristine pitch and tell Zach Duncan he’s on deck. “Really? My first goal with the club? Should I let Morris go first?” Well yes of course.

While Zach is waiting his turn, he asks the referee if he can make a quick sandwich. “What kind?” he asks. Duncan replies “A football club!” Luckily the ref is a dad and quickly added this to his long list of dad jokes to bring out at dinner and fancy parties.

Alright here we go with the goals! (Did RI score before this one? No way to know for sure.) Attempt one takes a little detour including a nice maybe accidental redirect from Donovan, and Jake makes sure this one goes straight in the net.

Jake’s Goal Celebration Gallery and as many full-body shots as possible per his request. (I got you, Jake!)

*During the celebration, Serrano asks Morris if he’s ever seen Ace Venture, Pet Detective (a classic) and would he mind to do a quick impression of Jim Carrey, to which he replies, alrighty then!*

Much like “The Finer Things Club” on The Office, people are lining up to join Thigh Society. Clearly the RI player has not read the bylaws because a) we do not accept applications from non-Lou City players and b) the thigh quality standards are clearly outlined in Appendices A through D.

Bonus Coverage of the First Half Gallery

*Before we break for halftime, Dayes would like to remind us that he used to also play basketball. (Kid can jump.)*

Besides the University of Vermont Band and their performances of “Where is my husband!” and yessss the theme from “Phineas and Ferb” at the UofL women’s basketball game Saturday morning, the most epic performance of the month was at halftime and consisted of local mascots challenging the kids of the Lou City Kids’ Club to a penalty shoot-out at halftime. My new friend Buddy Bat (call me!) and several friends put up a whopping zero points against the most excellent Kids’ Club players.

*And we’re back! The second half starts with some bear hugging that even the referee thinks is a bit much, even for the very tolerant Mr. Donovan.*

Donovan and RI #4 are sent to the principal’s office where there are threats to call parents, give Detention, and otherwise enforce the “no bear hugging” policy. “We’ll be good!” they promise as they head back to class for Math.

*Back in class, the hugging continues, but Donovan doesn’t want Detention, so he stays quiet and counts on the ref to do his job.*

Ya know, like calling very obvious handballs. The easy stuff. Everyone in the stadium- including the guy working the Ehrler’s ice cream truck - saw this handball except for the 3 people on the pitch whose job is to monitor for handballs.

Even more exciting than a red card (to me anyway) is watching Kyle Adams talk to the referee about a missed call. While I’m not always close enough to hear the colorful language and the glorious Americanized New Zealand accent, the body language is even more spectacular. Tip to future Lou City refs: don’t try to avoid eye contact because Kyle will find you.

Let’s take a Full Moment to appreciate why Kyle is captain and Taylor Davila is his fully capable back-up. Gallery.

Finally getting a free kick to make up for the RI violence, Lou City giggles as RI lines up to block. Hey, they saw it watching Premier league and wanted to try it for themselves. I hear the lot of them are Chelsea fans.

*Tell me that you were close to Wilson’s assist for Duncan’s goal without telling me.*

Ok yes, I was so close for Duncan’s goal that I surrounded by players on the pitch and players warming up and somehow I think the Ehrler’s guy was down here and anyway I only managed to get pictures of the set-up and the celebration but I am so excited for Zach Duncan and his first goal with Lou City!!! Gallery.

I am going to fan girl for a moment over the talented Hugo Fauroux because Lou City has two other amazing Keepers and this gentleman gets to prove himself real-time in the rare moment when a ball gets past our backline. And he does not disappoint.

Rivalling the Mascot-Kids’ Club shoot-out at halftime was my gift exchange with my friend Barbara. (She gave me a bracelet; I gave her a thank you. I clearly got the better deal.) What she didn’t mention was that the bracelet was good luck for Adams since I was wearing it, as his biggest fan.

Confession time: I saw this goal (and 90% of the match) through my camera, so for the first 60 seconds after the goal I thought it was Jake Morris who scored for a brace. I took pictures and was thinking “good for him!” and had I realized it was Kyle scoring I would have run out on the field to celebrate with him, thus ending my illustrious media career. And it would have been worth it.

Kyle Adams’ Goal Celebration that I thought was for Jake Morris otherwise these pictures wouldn’t exist and I might possibly be in jail

Lou City’s defense is so good that there are long stretches of play where our Keeper can have a break, maybe enjoy a Corona with lime or read a short story. But if the ball even thinks about approaching our net, Hugo Fauroux is all over it. But if an opposing player does not back off in time, get ready for a show.

*Hugo does an excellent job “reinforcing the extent of his injuries” (thankfully none, he is an amazing actor) and Dayes and Adams corner the RI assailant like two cats after a mouse.*

*Dayes shoots a look that sends the mouse running backwards into the net. The referee reassures Dayes that the mouse has learned his lesson.*

I’m going to drop a little Gallery here because I couldn’t stop taking pictures of the friendly discussions taking place in front of the Waterfront area.

*I think this is my favorite because I know Kyle wasn’t really hurt but he took one for the team. And the other team? Suckers.*

*Fans called for a red card and got it!*

*RI coach didn’t want his player getting a red card without some back-up so he talked himself into one as well.*

Just to keep things moving, since Wilson has scored so many amazing goals in the past, I’m going to drop his amazing performance and subsequent celebration below. Note the fallen RI players who just could not keep up. Get ready for another Gallery!